Our Second Yes

One would think that this story begins Friday, May 20th when I got the call from Child Protective Services. It begins a week before.

May 13, 2016 I was at the Pink Impact Conference in Dallas. I will write more about my time there later, but for this blog I want to focus on one important part.

Kari Jobe was leading worship. The song was The God of Miracles by Jesus Culture. Kari instructed the audience to be still in His presence.  The violin played a few measures of the song. No singing. Just stillness.

I knelt on the hard concrete floor, face to then ground, and started to weep. I could feel that God was about to do something in our lives. I had no idea was it was, but I could feel Him nudging me. I have never heard the audible voice of God, but if you're a believer you've felt His still small voice whisper
something to you. In that moment of surrender and complete dependence on Him, I felt him say, "It's going to be hard because you are willing." I quickly pulled out my journal and in that moment in the dark I scribbled what I felt He spoke to me.

God does not ask us to do easy things at times. All He needs is a willing heart and a spirit of surrender to complete what He needs done. He asks us to follow Him in full surrender and to trust Him. He calls upon the unqualified and qualifies us for His work.

When the next Friday came, Fabian and I called each other to discuss what we should do.  If I'm being honest, a part of me wanted to say, "No." To live in my comfortable bubble of doing life the way I have. Quickly though, my response was, "Do the right thing." With that, we took in a vibrant 20 month old boy.  We are now a family of 6!

There are so many more details and set ups in the way God orchestrated everything.  It's been amazing to see His hand working.

I want to take a moment to say from the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you. For all of the support, kind words, and donations. I mean, Wow. At a moment that could have been stressful and overwhelming, our friends and family have made us feel so loved and cared for. Y'all didn't miss a beat and I see God's hand all over this. Fabian and I have prayed over you. Asking for God to richly bless you with promotions and unexpected bonuses.  That God would pour out onto your generous hearts as He loves to bless generous people.

We may have this boy for 3-6 months.  Would you pray for his mommy? She needs strength and courage.  She loves her son so much and needs our help to cheer her on.

Love,
Leah

If you are interested in reading more, this is our GoFundMe link: https://www.gofundme.com/helpthemandujanos

Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is a very real thing. It comes in all shapes, sizes, and circumstances.

 I go to the Children's Museum here in Houston quite often.  A few weeks ago,

I had someone ask me if I take Malachi, my 10 month old, to the Tot Spot play area.  My reply was "No, we go wherever Big Brother wants to go." And then it was there. Mom guilt.

I have been struggling with this specific kind of mom guilt since Malachi was born.  I feel and at times feel guilty because I don't do the same things for Malachi that I used to do for Benaiah.  Benaiah doesn't get to do the same things he use to.

Benaiah got my undivided attention.  Malachi does not. As the boys are constantly battling for my attention.

Malachi has had many interrupted nursing sessions because I had to stop his big brother from coloring on the walls.

I've had to let Malachi cry more on the floor by himself while I attended to Benaiah.

Benaiah has had to climb the chairs and counter tops to get something to eat because I was preoccupied.

Malachi never gets to go to library story time because Benaiah doesn't like it.

Benaiah doesn't get to go to a gymnastics center anymore because I couldn't keep up with both of them.

More recently, Benaiah got to play in the Tot Spot area as a baby and small child. Malachi will not except for very special occasions.
The list can go on and on.

I spent months crying and battling over this guilt that my children have to share me.  That my arms are not fully theirs at all times. The transition from one child to two children is not easy for any one. I've learned that though we can't do the same things we use to in the same way, my boys are learning a lesson that can't always be taught.  It has to be learned from experience.

We have to put others first and our needs and wants will not be met immediately met when we want them to be. When I am faced with mom guilt that deals with my children battling for my attention, I have to constantly remind myself that it's good for my children.  They are learning life lessons.


Malachi may never get to play in the Tot Spot area, but he gets to play right along big brother and learn life lessons that can't be taught. He gets to be apart of the action.  He constantly gets a loving pint-sized sometimes rough hug from his big brother.  He may not get all my attention, but he is so loved.

Don't let mom guilt cripple you.  Allow yourself to embrace your new season of life.  It is oh so hard, but very rewarding.

Don't become weary in doing good. For at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.  Galatians 6:9 (Leah's Paraphrased Version) :)

The Small Things

Being a mom this past week was hard.

When I gave birth to my strange miniature human, I threw all my selfishness out of the window. Wrong.  I'm still selfish, but now I have to force myself to be selfless 24 hours a day.  It is hard work, y'all. 

My week was so exhausting that I even job searched.. (I know, I know. Crazy.) And I love being a SAHM, but not this week.  This past week I daydreamed about what I could be doing without my son.  While a friend, without kids, was going hiking in Colorado, I was trying to force a babler (baby and toddler mix) to eat his stinking peas and take just one nap.  Hiking in Colorado sounded like an extremely nice get away at the moment. Ha. 

In the past 7 days my son has managed to dump out every open cabinet/drawer or shelf he could find.  I felt like my back was going to explode from picking up so much tub-o-ware, bowls, pots and pans.

Every time I open the door outside and I don't let Benaiah out, he throws a fit.  If he could play outside all day, he would.  We spend two hours a day outside. I'm not exaggerating. 

For some reason, Benaiah pretended that he wasn't 20 pounds.  So he wanted to be carried all day.

  

He also thinks it is super funny to climb up the stairs and run away from me like we're playing tag.  I know it's incredibly cute, but I need him to stay downstairs.

He is obsessed with dog food.  If it's out, he's going to get it.  

He thinks it's hilarious when I say "NO!" Seriously. He laughs. 

He's also figured out how to open the toilet seat and do water play.  If I forget to shut one door, it all goes downhill from there.  

The dish cycle never ends. Ever. If the sink is clear of dishes, somehow in an hour a dish or 50 appear.

Let's not forget that all of the toys should be scattered all over the living room. Not one toy should be left in the toy box.

I know this is typical mom stuff.  As I'm grumbling and complaining about my full-time job, I feel the Lord nudge me gently.  

He reminds me to find Him in the small things.

The small things.

Like when my son runs outside to explore God's creation.  He is so happy throwing dirt in his hair and splashing in his little plastic blue pool.  He loves taking hour long walks around our neighborhood pond.  He has not care in the world if sweat is dripping in his eyes. He loves his view.

The small things.

Like when he pulls a book or 20 off the shelf.  He picks one and brings it to me so he can flip through the pages while I read one word. He loves reading.

The small things.

Like when he bangs on anything to create music.  He pulls the tub-o-ware out to bang on it like a  drum.  I leave a key-board on a low table upstairs. He runs upstairs just to "play" it. 

The small things.

Like when he's playing with his toys, he'll walk over just to give me a besito (kiss in Spanish). 

The small things.

Like when he gets super silly before bed and wants to wrestle on the couch or bed. He loves when I gently push him back. He'll laugh and laugh. 

The small things.

Like when he takes his bath in the evening, he'll have conversations with me and his rubber duck. He's such a talker.

The small things.

Like when I sing him Amazing Grace before laying him in his crib.  He nestles his head on my chest and coos as if he's singing with me.

The small things.

Like when I'm listening to worship music in the car and my son sleeps peacefully in the back.  Instead of dreaming what I could be doing, I'm dreaming of what he will be doing. 

Finding God in the small things.  

When all our complaints seem to overwhelm us, it's important to stop and remember the small things that have a bigger impact on our lives and our little ones' lives. 

This week I will stop and remember that I need God more than anything.  I need His help to remember Him the small things. To remember Him through the laughter and the tears. I need His help to remember where I was and where He has brought me.  I am new because I know Him.  Remembering God in the small things is not just for me, but for those that are around me especially my baby boy. 

Losing that Baby Weight and Without a Gym

Any mom knows that their body is NEVER the same after having kids. Ever.


About two months after my son's birth, I was ready to start losing my 30 pounds of weight gain.

The only way I've ever lost weight was by exercise and dieting.  What I mean by dieting is that I ate healthy.  I didn't do anything crazy like no carbs or no sugar.  I have never deprived myself of those delicacies.  If I did, I am certain I would give up on my diet completely. As a side note, I have never taken any diet pills

I've heard the following statement: It took 9 months for my body to change and it will take 9 months for my body to return back.  I lost weight in stages of my son's age. The older he got the easier it became to find time to workout.

Getting started to me is the hardest part about exercising.  Once I start the run or workout, I complete it and feel accomplished.

I love this! It really is all about starting!

When Benaiah was 2 months old, I started to go running only 2 times a week using the C25K phone application.  This app. trains an inexperienced runner for a 5k. I would nurse my son, give him to my husband and go for a run.  Almost every day, I took a 30 minute walk with the baby in the stroller.  I would time my walk. 

Sometimes I would miss running completely for a few weeks. However, I continued to go for 30 minute walks with my son while my husband was at work.  The days when I would have our only car, I would go to local parks and do a "stroller workout." 

A stroller workout is a strength exercise done using a stroller.  I would do squats, lunges, crunches, and push-ups at a park with Benaiah sleeping in the stroller.  I was not able to run with him yet because he was too small at the time. Every now and then I would go running by myself at our apartment gym in the morning.  At this time, I wasn't exercising profusely just every now and then.  I was mindful of foods that I would buy and I continued to nurse my son.  Nursing burns calories.  I only lost a few pounds. Nothing to be noticed though.  

However, the point is that I started slowly.  It's amazing how much confidence I felt by choosing to be active even though my pre-pregnancy clothes still didn't fit.  There really is something about working hard toward a goal that makes me feel self-assured.  Also, I can't sit a home complaining about my body or my lack of discipline if I'm not doing anything about it.  If I'm tired of being overweight, I'm going to do something about it. 

Going on our daily 30 minute walks

When my son turned 6 months old, I was finally able to run with him in our jogging stroller.  As a family, when it wasn't cold, we would go run (using C25K) and occasionally do a stroller workout around our apartment complex or at a nearby park.  However, when it was cold, I would go use our apartment's (free) gym. I used this gym very rarely. (I could only use it when my husband watched the baby.) 

Gym Tangent:  Gym's for a family can cost over $100 per month.  We decided to cut expenses, meaning no Gym Memberships.  

8 months post baby, I started to notice a difference in my body.  My pre-pregnancy jeans wear fitting again! Still a little tight, but I was able to button them! I am not sure how much weight I lost because I avoid weighing myself.  However, I could see the change.

We moved to a different neighborhood 9 months post baby.  This brings me to what I have currently been doing to lose weight. The juicy details are to follow. 

Currently, I have been running and doing Jillian Michaels workout videos. Those workout videos are NO JOKE!  I love these videos. Once I start, I have to finish.  

When I try doing my own workouts at home, I do them half-hearted and most likely wrong. She, through the videos, taught me how to do effective workouts and to keep going.  Once I push play there is no returning. I must finish. 

I have still been using the C25K app. using interval run-walk techniques.  This has been great for a beginner runner like myself. Recently, I finally got brave enough to challenge myself and run 20 minutes straight.  I have never had the endurance to run for that long in my entire life.  I actually dislike running, but it gives results. 

Exercise: I run 3 to 4 times a week.  I do the Ripped in 30 video workout by Jillian Michaels 5 times a week.  I just finished Week 3 and I am currently on Week 4.  I will start the 30 Day Shred workout next.  I've definitely been seeing results already.  

Diet: I've been counting my calories and weighing my food portions.  I still buy sweets sometimes. I limit myself though.  Besides giving in to my sweet cravings, I do not buy any unhealthy foods for my house. I avoid them.  If there are a bag of Ranch Doritos in my house, I can guarantee that I will eat the whole bag in one sitting.  Therefore, no junk food allowed. It is best to keep the temptation away especially in the cabinets of the house.  I also do food prep with a plethora (love that word) of tub-o-ware. I do meal planning which involves a detailed grocery list. 

My grocery list also helps with budgeting! :)

That's how I've been losing weight! It hasn't been easy, but It sure has made me a more confident and healthy mom.

Just a reminder that I did this slowly. My journey has not been about losing weight rather it was about being healthy and gaining confidence.  Even though I still have more to go in this process, I am happy in my own skin right now.  I'm proud of what my body has endured from pregnancy to post pregnancy.

We are super women! We need to give ourselves the chance to be.

Thanks for letting me share my year long adventure. I'll try to share my ups and downs as I continue on.

I'll be posting soon about where I find the time in the day to do these workouts. <3

Always,
Leah

Vacuum Monster

My son, Benaiah, is terrified of the vacuum cleaner.

My floors have been and are a wreck! (I have two dogs that shed.) Ugh!

The other day I was thinking about how much I love my son.  And when he is frightened he clings to me.  He knows that I am his place of refuge.  His place of safety. He knows that I will never let him go.

When I take out the vacuum, Benaiah stops whatever he is doing and stares at the monster waiting for its next move.

Benaiah slowly eyes it, crawling around it by a foot.  He clings to my legs.  Every now and then he'll touch it to see if it will bite.

I pick him up.  Straddle him on my hip.  I begin to vacuum.  He stares cautiously at the noise maker watching its every move.

I thought about the monsters in our lives that come out of the closet.  These monster's could be our finances, our pride, our family, our friends, our fear of failure, our doubts, or our unbelief

When circumstances or feelings come from the closet to show their ugly face, do you stare awhile and run away to avoid danger? Or do you cling to a place of refuge in Jesus and let Him battle the monster?

How many times do we try to battle the monster on our own?   I am still learning to continue to find rest and comfort in the arms of Jesus.

I need to become more like my 11 month old son.  Although I try and teach him things everyday, he teaches me more.

Let the owner of the world hold us and handle the monsters in our lives.