Getting on the Same Page with Your Spouse About Money

**Disclaimer** There are many variables that play into this.  I am NOT a marriage counselor and I am only sharing what works for Fabian and I. There is nothing wrong with seeing a marriage counselor.  I highly encourage going to one. Even if your marriage is great, going to a counselor can be highly beneficial. 

One of the number one reasons for divorce in North America is money fights and money problems. Couples tend to stress about money above everything else. As I write this, I want you to know that I want to see lasting marriages.  I want to see marriages that are able to help others in need. There is power when two are gathered in agreement. Mountains move and battles are won. I know for a fact that when spouses get on the same page with money a lot of other areas in their marriage start to improve. For example just to name a few, trust, communication, and a mutual understanding of each other.

I was the first one who really wanted to jump on this get-out-of-debt plan. Fabian thought it was a great idea, but he just wasn't there yet. I had read The Total Money Makeover and he didn't really have the time to sit and read.  So we got him the audiobook. (Compromise, y'all.) I asked him to listen to it because it would mean a lot to me. He read it and got on board immediately.

The hard part came as we discussed the budget.  Both of us had been spending money like it was dispensable. He spent $100 on Starbucks a month. I easily spent $200 on clothes and toys for Benaiah and I. We probably spent $300 on eating out a month if not more. After we got on the same page, everything changed.  The way we treated each other changed. We were now working together toward a common goal. There is nothing better than feeling one with your husband/wife.

Here are my suggestions on how to get on the same page with you spouse:

1. Talk to Your Spouse
Put your phones away. Turn the T.V. off.  When the kids are asleep, tell them you'd like to talk about something important.  If you're worried about finances, tell them! If you'd like to get out of debt, discuss it with them.  If you want to be on a budget so that you are in control of your money, tell them! If you want to save money for emergencies, tell them your concerns.

Many times one spouse is the spender and one is the saver.  I am the spender. I have to constantly keep myself in line from impulse buying.  When I feel the temptation, I remind myself, "Adults devise a plan and conquer it; Children do what feels good."  My husband has voiced his concern for when I randomly buy something "we need." Now, I call or text when I want to purchase something that wasn't budgeted. Most of the time the answer is "no." I voiced my concern when Fabian kept forgetting his lunch and "had" to eat out a few months ago. We talked about how we could improve. I started making larger meals and refrigerating/freezing the leftovers for him.

One line that works for Fabian and I is, "It would mean a lot to me if..."
It would mean a lot to me if you'd do the budget with me.
It would mean a lot to me if we'd take a financial class.
It would mean a lot to me if you'd read/listen to this book and tell me what you think.
It would mean a lot to me if you'd help me with the dishes.
It would mean a lot to me if you'd help me put away the clothes.
It would mean a lot to me if you'd help me pack my lunch.

This one simple sentence communicates clearly your needs.

Word of advice: Try not to tell your spouse what they're doing wrong.  Tell them what they're doing right. Work together to improve the things they could work on. Chances are you have a few things you could work on too.

2. Do it Together 
I am so surprised when I hear people tell me, "Oh, I don't do the budget. My [spouse] does it." Or "my [spouse] handles all of that."  For the sake of your marriage, that line tells me something oh so dangerous.  It tells me that you aren't working together. That you aren't one.

I write out the budget mostly on my own. At the beginning of the month, we go through it and he will add to or take away things in the budget.  He might even remind me about something I forgot to put in there. After the initial monthly plan, Fabian and I have a budget meeting about once a week. We look at the budget together, talk about the categories and where we're at. (Seriously takes less than 5 minutes.) He sometimes may or may not get on to me about going over budget...

Fabian works 3 jobs. If he has the time to sit with me for a few minutes a week to talk about money, anyone can. Even if you hate talking about money and looking at numbers, sit with your spouse as they create it. The spouse that is doing the budget/finances by themselves wants the other spouse to be involved.  When you're involved, you're apart of the dreaming and goal planning. When you're involved, you are one.

3. Write out Your Goals and Dreams Together
Nothing will make you feel closer to your spouse than this.  (It also may make you want to rip out your hair once you hear some of their dreams.. Listen to them. Be gracious. Compromise.) We love writing out our dreams and goals together. When you do this it helps you realize what your true destination is, especially financially.  If you want to travel or have a nice house or retire with dignity, it takes intentional planning.  It takes saving money.  It takes working together.

Write your dreams/goals out. Hang them where they can be seen. Remind each other what the end goal is.  Remind each other about the reason behind why you're getting out of debt, saving money, or simply saying "no." When we are feeling discouraged and weak, we remind each other of our goals to get us back a track

Some of our "big" goals:
Jeep Commander
Toyota Highlander
House
Travel/Vacations
Giving outlandishly when we see a need.
College saving for kids
Adoption/Foster Care
Retirement

4. Respect and Love
Lastly, have grace for when your spouse messes up. Help them improve. Instead of getting frustrated and throwing your hands in the air, talk through it.  Appreciate your husband for working so hard to provide for the family.  Appreciate your wife for managing the finances and/or the house so well. Ask them how you can help improve the joint financial situation.  Most of the time both parties are good-willed people that want what's best. Treat each other with mutual respect and love. Your spouse is not you. Most of all they are not perfect. Be gracious. Give them the same patience you would need.

Fabian likes really nice things.  He likes Apple technology and nicer cars. I don't understand this as I could drive my 2001 Honda CRV for the rest on my life and have a simple flip phone and it wouldn't bother me one bit. Fabian's a saver which is great, but he also likes expensive things.  I have learned to respect this about him and compromise.  The great thing is that he knows how to say "no" to himself. He understands that he can't buy an Apple Watch just because they exist.

For Fabian, I have to tell him we can't buy the new iPad. For one we don't need one and for two we have goals. For me, he has to tell me that the boys don't need 50 toys and I don't need 50 pairs of shoes, kitchen supplies, and books. My items may not be expensive, but when I buy new stuff constantly it adds up.

A good rule to have is to talk before purchase.  Don't buy something that's not budgeted unless you and your spouse have talked about it.  Eating out counts! If you've already used your eat out budget, don't eat out with your friends and pay for their meals. Your budget is a contract.  You are saying to your spouse, "I love you and I will help our family reach our goals by sticking to this budget." Respect and love your spouse enough to care what they care about.

Getting on the same page about money will change your marriage for the better. Talk about money. Your future depends on it.

What do you and your spouse do to stay on the same page with money? Share your helpful tips with others in the comments. :)

I recommend this book: http://www.daveramsey.com/store/books/dave-s-bestsellers/the-total-money-makeover/prodtmmoclassic.html

It is $10 right now ^^^ Get the audiobook, if you or your spouse don't read. :)

Love,
Leah

If you need help or have any questions, feel free to email me or Facebook me.  leah.mandujano@gmail.com

5 Free or Inexpensive Activities to Do During the Week With Children Under 5 Years Old!

As a one income family,  just like many, we are on a tight budget.  We are trying to save money and cut loose ends in the budget.  The temptation is real when you've been home for days and want to go to Target and start throwing money at them.  I sometimes just want to get out of the house and  find excuses to spend money. Anyone? No?  

The boys get $15-$20 a month in the budget.  This budget is for out of the home activities, toys, or if I forget their lunch and buy them Chick-Fil-A while we're out and about. Yes, that's totally happened. Purposefully? Maybe. Both the boys and I do well by being away from the house for at least an hour a day. So we get out and I try my best to choose activities that our budget friendly. 

Here are 5 Free or Cheap activities we do during the week to save money and get out of debt. 

1. Local Parks and Nature Trails

I know this one is kind of obvious, but it counts. I pack the boys' lunches and we'll go to a park for two hours.  I switch up the parks we go to weekly. So it's a new(ish) experience everytime. Completely Free.

2. Library
If you stay at home and don't take your kids to the library, start now! I love the library! One of the best parts is that they have a  Baby Time, Toddler Time and/or Preschool Time.  They'll do a few songs and then we'll do a craft. Afterwards, we'll go play with the library toys and then pick out some books.  Normally, there's a park with a picnic table nearby where we'll eat a packed lunch.  If the weather isn't good, we may eat in the car. Completely Free.

3. Mall
Houston has two indoor mall play areas that we go to. We'll go play for a an hour or two. Then we'll go to the food court and I'll feed them a packed lunch. Completely Free

Anyone else have children that never look at the camera? Lol.

4. Memberships
This one is not cheap upfront.  However, it's super inexpensive if you use it all the time like I do. We have a Houston Zoo Membership and a Children's Museum Membership. Both cost around $100.  We pay for these by asking family members to, instead of buying gifts, help us purchase memberships to last the entire year.  I don't know about your kids, but mine play with a toy for one week and never touch it again. However, Benaiah asks to go to the zoo daily.  It's his favorite.  We've gone at least twice a month if not more the past year for our zoo membership. In the month of April, we went once a week. 

5. Fast Food Play-Place aka Chick-Fil-A
Now, I know this one seems like it couldn't be cheap. Etc. Spending money eating out... and then I'm paying for my meal.  You might find this really cheap of me. Lol. I do this one of two ways.

A. I get the boys a meal to split and have extra snacks.  The kicker and way I save money is by not buying something for myself. Instead I eat at home or eat the stuff I've packed. Normally this costs me $5

B. On a rainy day, I have literally gone to Chick-Fil-A purchased a small fry for the boys to share and had their packed lunch in my bag.  This costs me $2

Do you have any more ideas?! Share them with me. What are your go to cheap or free activities to do with your children? Comment below or comment on Facebook!

All my love,

Leah

Car Payment Free: You should and can do it too!

On Wednesday, January 6, 2016, we paid off our 2010 Toyota Corolla!  I drove to the bank and told Benaiah what we were doing.  He put the cash in the plastic container and I put it in the sucking machine. Lol.  And we are finally free of the slavery that is a car payment.  I drive a 2002 compact SUV and had paid cash for it about a year ago.  We officially have two paid for cars! Whoo hoo!

We first purchased our Corolla impulsively after our only car kept breaking down.  Fabian drove a motorcycle at the time. We had no credit scores and the only debt we had was student loan related.
Like many people, I wanted a nicer and newer car that, let's face it, I didn't need. When our car kept breaking down, it was the excuse I had been wishing for.  Instead of taking $1,000 to fix it, we went and got a car payment. We put $1,000 down and got a ridiculously high interest rate. I did eventually get it refinanced to less than half of the initial interest rate. We financed our car for $15,000.  Paid around $18,000 including interest payments over the course of 4 years.  Our car is now worth around $5,000.  Can you say, "Ouch?!"

 I share these things so that others will think deeply before getting a car payment, and hopefully not make the same mistake.

The average car payment in America in 2015 was $482 for a new car and $437 for a used car. Ours was $350 for a used vehicle.

When a car is bought and driven off the lot, within the first year the car loses 25% of its value.
That's why car dealerships make SO much money.  The consumer purchases a car for $20,000 and by the end of the year and as the next model is out its already worth $15,000.  Yet, the consumer probably still owes close to between $17,000 and $15,000 (depending on the amount of car payment and interest rates). It's like throwing money or in this case $5,000 out of the window just to drive a "newer" nicer car.

Leasing cars is the most expensive way to "own" a car.  Not a good idea in any form. Consumer reports says, "Although leasing has lower monthly payments, once you factor in that you won't own the car at the end, leasing ends up being more expensive than buying with an equivalent loan."  Again throwing money out of the window.
Instead of financing or leasing a car, save cash to purchase a simple car. And/or keep driving that little old thang!  A car is used to get you and passengers from Point A to Point B.  It does not need to be fancy, {especially} if you're broke. Just buy what you need.  Take it from my experience.  I love my 2002 compact SUV! The driver side window doesn't roll down and someone backed into it in an HEB parking lot. However, I prefer driving it compared to our newer/nicer car as it is easy for toting babies around and fits the stroller better! The AC works and it drives. That's what counts.

What could you do with a $350 worth of car payment a month? It's money to pay off other debts.  It's money to save to buy a home. It's money to invest with so we can retire. It's money that we can use however we please because it's ours and not the banks. That's financial peace at its finest. Knowing that we are in control of our money.

When I say, "We're Car Payment FREE!!" I mean it.  We're free.  Our kids are free and will never know the bondage of debt. We do this all for them!

Stewarding God's money, His way, and for His glory that's ultimately what doing this journey is about.

Love,
Leah

"...borrower is slave to the lender." Proverbs 22:7


"Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8

"A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children..." Proverbs 13:22
Resources
http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/cars/2015/03/04/new-car-loan-record-payment/24363041/
https://www.daveramsey.com/blog/the-truth-about-car-payments/
http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/news/2011/04/resurgence-of-car-leasing-may-not-be-good-thing/index.htm

12 Books for 2016

One of my goals this year is to read 1 book a month.  The following are my picks for books this year.  I found them from various places.  Some books are from authors/pastors/speakers I've come to respect.  Some books are recommendations from friends. 

Reading helps me to engage in my life more as it has me thinking about how to become a better Jesus follower, wife, mom, and simply an all around better person. 

All of my reads this year are non-fiction.  Don't let me fool you, I love fiction books too. Though in this season of life I have a desire to know Him more.  I have a desire to successfully steward the opportunities I've been given for Him. 

So here goes! 

1. Instructing a Child's Heart by Tedd and Margy Tripp

• I got this book for Christmas from a dear friend of mine. 

2. Strong Mothers, Strong Sons by Dr. Meg Meeker

• I've read this book before and loved it so much.  The subtitle is, "Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men."

3. Undaunted by Christine Caine

• Been meaning to read this book for years. The subtitle is, "Daring to do what God calls you to do." 
• I heard Christine Caine when I lived in Missouri and fell in love with her zeal for the Lord and her teaching style. 

4. The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor

• The subtitle is, "The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work." "When we are positive, our brains become more engaged, creative, motivated, energetic, resilient, and productive at work."
• I listened to a podcast called Entreleadership Podcast, Episode #121.   Shawn Achor was the guest speaker and my mind was blown.  I cannot say enough about it. I'm looking forward to reading this book.

5. The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko

• It's about average millionaires and how most of them start from nothing, live very frugally, and end up being entirely successful.  It slams the millionaire stereotypes of flashy cars and big houses. 
• I've read some of it, but I'd like to read through the whole thing.

6. The Legacy Journey by Dave Ramsey

• Many of you know, I am a Ramsey fan.  This book is about what the Bible says about money. I got one from the library, but I'd like my own copy so I can highlight and underline all over it. 

7. The Good Fight by Les and Leslie Parrott

• It's a marriage book about how conflict is good in a marriage when it's handled correctly. 

8. For the Love by Jen Hatmaker

• I've never heard of this author. I had a friend, Sharon, post a picture of this book way back.  I screen shot it and forgot about.  Decided to give it a look. 
• The subtitle says, "Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards." 

9. Ever After: Life Lessons Learned in My Castle of Chaos by Vicki Courtney

• This one is kind of random.  Saw it on online as a Bible Study and decided to read the book instead. 
• It's about being a wife and motherhood. Basically my life. It's about my life. 

10. Start by Jon Acuff 

• Fabian has been raving about this book. 
• The subtitle is, "Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work that Matters."

11. Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

• The subtitle is, "What I learned About Making and Breaking Habits--to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life."
• I heard her on the Entreleadership podcast, Episode #101.

12. #Stuggles by Craig Groeschel

• I listen to Groeschel's sermon podcasts very frequently.  Love his content.  The subtitle is, "Following Jesus in a Selfie-Centered World." 

Let me know if you decided to read one or more! I'd love to read them with you so we can discuss them. :) 

A Year in Review and What's Next

This is going to be one of those New Year's Resolution posts.  If you're reading, I am assuming you want to. I hope!

This past year was intense and took a lot of faith building.  As a family, we've really worked on the idea of Life Balance as Fabian has had about two jobs for most of the year.

I think this picture is hilarious.

Life balance isn’t about a 50/50 split. It’s about being 100% present.
Life balance isn’t about doing everything for an equal amount of time. It’s about doing the right things at the right time. - Christy Wright

It's about quality not quantity.

2015
Malachi entered our family this year.
Benaiah turned 2.
We had our 4th wedding anniversary.
We moved into a new home in a wonderful neighborhood.
Fabian had the opportunity to be an Interim Youth Pastor to an amazing church in Channelview.
He got promoted at his job and got to be located 15 minutes from home.
I set a personal goal to lose 10 pounds, and lost 12 pounds.
We are 4 days away from paying off our car loan. :)
We paid off 13,976.36 in debt in 2015.

We've had so many good changes this year! My scripture for the year was "Many are the plan's in a [woman's] heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails." As I'm about to write my goals for next year, I'm keeping that scripture in mind.

2016
This year is going to be an exciting whirlwind, I'm sure.  We have lots of changes coming in the next months!

1. I'd like to be intentionally grateful more.  I am a firm believer that we choose to be happy.   By being grateful, it's easier to be happy, joyful, and most of all content.

2. The obvious goal. I'd like to lose 15 pounds.  I don't pretend to be naive to the fact that I'm a curvy girl.  :) I've been that way since Junior High.  I strive for healthy, not small or skinny. I enjoy losing weight slowly. I've taken on Trim Healthy Mama. My mom told me about them and I really really like it! I, in fact, made a chocolate cake this week for my sweet tooth from a recipe in their book. It was delicious. Believe it or not, it was sugar free. I hope to share more about it in the coming months.

Corpus Christi (My home.)

3.  I'd like to read one book a month. I've made my list and will be posting about which books I'll be reading soon. Reading is vitally important.  If you tell me you don't like to read, I'd say you haven't found the right book yet! Reading gets my brain working and thinking.  I've read books this past year that made me a better Jesus follower, wife, and mother.

4. This is a huge goal for us this year as a family. We'd like to pay off $20,000 in debt. That's not all our debt, but it's a large chunk of what's remaining!  Our money is not ours.  Our money is God's.  We want to be good stewards of His money.  That means continuing on this journey. If not 2016, we'll be debt-free in 2017!

5. Blog more this year! Yes, including about finances and budgeting! Finances are such a HUGE part of our lives.  It affects everything we do. I don't feel that money is talked about enough. If it means sharing our past money mistakes in order to detour others from making the same mistakes then I'm going to keep sharing.

 I write this blog to encourage, uplift, and inspire.  I'm hoping you will find it so!

Happy New Year!

Love,
Leah

P.S. This is the evolution of their brotherly relationship.